This post is part of a series based on ‘Made to Stick’ by Chip and Dan Heath. While the Heath brothers write for a business audience, I feel that the principles in ‘Made to Stick’ can help us as we design stronger and more ‘Sticky’ families
I can’t remember if it was after we went to the Zoo or after the Renaissance Fair. I do remember that we were at Olive Garden after spending a whole day together. The kids were laughing, Christi was happy, and the food was great.
Then it happened, a moment of perfection that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. It’s hard to describe, but I remember closing my eyes and thanking God for the day, for the fun I had with my family, and for the food. That moment was perfection for me.
I know you’ve had them – the perfect Christmas, the wonderful anniversary, the vacation you will never forget. The question is, “How can we have more of them?”
Create Space for Profound Moments
Profound moments don’t happen on demand. You can’t schedule 30 minutes with your wife and kids and expect that something ‘magical’ to happen on-demand. You have to create space for relationships to grow and for magical moments to happen. Set aside a block of time on a regular basis – perhaps once a week – as space for your family.
Take a walk with your family after dinner. Play in the park. Throw a football around with your son. Take your daughter out for a one-on-one lunch. Have ice cream with your wife. I cannot guarantee that you will have a profound moment. Neither can you. If you don’t create the time, however, we both know the magic won’t happen.
Don’t Clutter the Moment
Holidays, vacations, and birthdays can be pretty stressful. We make them stressful by spending money we don’t have or by scheduling too many activities. If you clutter a moment with too many activities or impending stress (debt), then you don’t allow space for that moment to develop into something profound.
If you’re on holiday, pick one or two things you want to accomplish each day. Give yourself permission to relax if you accomplish those things. Sure, you will probably fill the time as you go. The key is this: don’t micromanage every moment. If you do, you will not have the space for a profound moment to develop.
Focus on the Moment
As parents, we need to shelter our families from the clutter of technology. If you clutter time with your family with text messages, iPhone apps, email, and questionably important phone calls, then you won’t have meaningful moments with them. When you’re with your family, you need to be with your family, not wondering around cyberspace.
I work on this all the time. It’s a fine balance. I do know this – I have yet to get a text message or phone call during time with family that couldn’t wait a couple of hours. If someone gripes, I tell them I was with my wife or my kids. The griper shuts up pretty quick, because they know that I was doing something important.
Different People Have Different Moments
Just because you had a magical moment doesn’t mean that everyone else had a magical moment. That doesn’t mean your moment was something less-than-perfect. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with your family. Relax. Enjoy your moment. Enjoy the times when your kids’ moments surprise you.
Take some time to rethink the upcoming holidays. What do you need to do (or not do) to create an environment that has the space for magical moments to happen?
