A pastor friend of mine took the time the other day to explain to the church what the difference was between spanking and beating. He and his wife came up with this list as they worked through the boundaries of what they felt was appropriate discipline within their family. Since his wife came from an abusive home and had only ever experienced inappropriate discipline, it was really important they had a plan in place when they disciplined their own kids.
I thought I’d post what I recall from memory here for us to chew on.
Spanking is done with an open hand. Beating is done with a fist.
Spanking is done after you’ve gotten over your anger. Beating happens while you are angry.
Spanking is one or two swats on the bottom. Beating is getting hit over and over – wherever the blows land.
It is never appropriate to kick a child.
My parents spanked me. Of course I didn’t like it then, but as I look back, I don’t have any problem with the way they did it. They had a clear understanding of spanking and never crossed the line into beating.
I know this topic is pretty emotionally charged. Dr. Phil and Oprah are very clear on their feelings. Several countries have ruled that all physical discipline is illegal. It is very hard to discuss because we don’t want people to think that we are an abusive parent and we don’t want anyone to take our kids away.
I’m not so sure that staying silent helps, though.
So let me be vulnerable first…Christi and I spank our kids. It is always the last option after we’ve tried to discipline them in other ways. We take a similar approach to my pastor friend because we never want to move from appropriate to inappropriate discipline.
We don’t like it, but there have been some situations where spanking is the only thing that works. Lying is one of them. Lying is serious and we couldn’t get through to one of my kids that it was serious. They would lie about things that didn’t matter and when telling the truth wouldn’t have gotten them into trouble. When we started spanking that child for lying, though, the lying stopped.
How about you? What do you think about spanking? What rules have you set in place so that you don’t cross the line and beat your kids?
(Please don’t turn this into a flaming session. Talk about what you do, don’t judge what other people do. If you don’t spank, tell us what you do that works with your kids.)
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
We do not spank… I have tried not to. Married to a Christian psychotherapist I learnt to respect this.
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We even have a dyspraxic child (a from of autism) and withdrew from situations (well locked self in bathroom).
Occasionally as a mother left at home with the children I realise the stress can be ++++
Get out, get routine, get support.
I pray hard to keep control, we used the 'time out' 1 minute for every year of the child. Eventually they take themselves off. We then discuss the situation, ensure we knew what sorry was about and then hugged. A child known it is forgiven thrives as do we.
The Pauline Epistles tell us as parents not to frustrate our children. Keep clear boundaries so they know where to draw the line themselves… No means no by both parents.
A tantrum is a tantrum do not feed it, just say 'OK then when you are finished we talk', and make sure you give time to that.
I have thought what would God do? Realising the despair the Almighty must feel with us frequently. The answer? Always love you unconditionally, I just do not have to like this at that moment.
Physical restraint is violence, teaching a child that violence is the answers to porblems
As my son grew bigger than me and a brown belt in karate… I am not going to!!!
http://www.amazon.co.uk/WONDER-YEARS-ESSENTIAL-gu...
The above book may help, but supporting each other as parents with prayer and practical aid as a coffee, chat, and trip to the park
Tire the little dears out, make reading and quiet times 'special', use star charts for good behaviour (if it works) and rewards. Remember ours are in heaven.
Children are God's gifts, treat them with respect.
error in name..C sticks on keyboard